To Graduate or To Continue?

I am in a rut. I am scheduled to graduate from college in about a month. I don't know if I have just been so stressed out that I've begun thinking of continuing my education, or if I really am feeling I need to keep going and learn my passion. I need to just hash things out... Here are my pros and cons.

Graduating- Pros
I'll get my degree, I am done with homework, I can work full-time so I will earn more, I will have more time to do my own writing.

Graduating- Cons
We will still be in Cedar for another year so I will most likely be working as a secretary somewhere that I don't really like which will result in hating my job but being there full-time, I still want to learn about graphic design and play drums

Continuing- Pros
I will be able to learn about graphic design (what I really want to do) and get a minor, possibly play drums, can keep my job at the university, will be in school with Jared still.

Continuing- Cons
Might not get Pell Grants so we'll go further in debt, won't be making more money but spending more, might not get graduation fee back or moved, won't be getting new work experience.

I just don't know! Because I don't feel ready to take a full-time job, even if I do like it, which given the economy in Cedar is unlikely. I wanted to do a graphic design major but then decided on English because it was faster but now that we'll be in Cedar anyway, I'm thinking maybe I just want to learn graphic design. I think I would be really good at it and I think an English: Creative Writing major with a Graphic Design minor would be really good in the job market. Plus I could probably do a lot from home with those skills.

Recently I have just been hit with creativity and a need to create art and am interested in art and I've always had that but I've never taken the time to feed it. I've learned the more I feed my curiosity and passion, the less depressed and frustrated with life I am. I am really leaning toward continuing school. I'm not going to lie though, I am a little worried about what people will say because I've been telling everyone that I am graduating. It's not that big of a worry, but it's still there in the back of my head.

If anyone reads this and has been there, tell me how to find my answer. I'm praying and everything but I just doubt myself all the time. We'll see. I might not be graduating this semester. Am I okay with that?

Edith Piaf

We are watching the movie La Vie en Rose in my French class. It's about the singer, Edith Piaf's life. I've heard her sing before but never knew anything about her. She is one of my new inspiring people. When she was just a child, her mother left her, then her father left her to grow up in a brothel. She later joined her father in the circus, cleaning up after him and working hard. She was only about 10 years old. Her father left the circus and tried to start a solo act. Edith then began singing to add to the act. She sang for change on the streets until she was in her 20's. A manager for a cabaret found her and gave her a chance to make real money with her amazing voice. We haven't finished the film yet but she eventually made it into a concert hall and became famous. Throughout her whole life she fought alcoholism and drug abuse. In her 20's she was involved with some shady people and was blamed for the murder of her manager. Her life was filled with trial after trial and yet she became one of the most famous singers to ever come of out France. She was a true artist, fighting everything to create and to inspire. People like her give me hope that someday I will too make a difference.

My Absolute Favorite...

Song : Nearer, My God, To Thee (Really read the words, it's amazing)

Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!
E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me;
Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
Darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
Yet in my dreams I'd be nearer, my God, to Thee,

There let the way appear, steps unto heav'n;
All that Thou sendest me, in mercy giv'n;
Angels to beckon me nearer, my God, to Thee,

Then with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise
Out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;
So by my woes to be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Or if on joyful wing, cleaving the sky,
Sun, moon and stars forgot, upwards I fly,
Still all my song shall be nearer, my God, to Thee

There in my Father's home, safe and at rest,
There in my Savior's love, perfectly blest;
Age after age to be nearer, my God, to Thee,

Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee!

That last verse isn't in the LDS Hymnbook but was added later by Edward Bickersteth. I like this addition so I'm using it. This song is my life, the journey through life then hopefully ending up where I need to be.

I am the wanderer, scrambling around in the darkness, missing my mark more than not but still always trying to be nearer to God. I love the line about flying toward heaven. I have a fascination with birds and flying and I hope that is how I get to where I need to go, by flying.

It is difficult for me to choose a favorite song because I am a poet and am therefore obsessed with lyrics, but this one is hands down the song that runs through my head the most. I had this song open all through church because I forgot to take my scriptures to my parent's house. I feel so welcome at my home ward, and I love that I am no longer a visitor but that I am a part of their ward. I've never felt more at home anywhere else except at my parent's. This makes me happy.

So, I've been a terrible Blogger

Wow I cannot believe how long it's been since I wrote last! That's what I get for being too busy and not having internet I suppose :) So, updates: We gave Tilly away to a great family in St. George because she was a puppy and we didn't have the time to train her. It was really sad but she is much happier now.

A few months ago we rescued a black lab from the Cedar City Animal Shelter (They are amazing and have SO many wonderful animals that need a home!). Her name is Abby and she's about 4 years old, they think. Her owners moved and left her locked in a kennel in the back yard. Nobody found her for three weeks and when they finally got her, she was 20 pounds underweight and scared out of her mind. She's such a sweet dog, I don't know why anyone would ever do something like that. She was already house trained and did great with commands so the owners apparently spent alot of time with her. It just doesn't make any sense. Anyway, so we took her because she's very mellow and I'm still getting over my phobia of dogs and she is perfect for it.

When we first got her, she was scared all the time, wouldn't eat or lie down in front of us. She never relaxed. After we got her a collar and name tag and spent a few days straight with her she started to calm down and trust us. We think she might have been trained as a guard dog because she will get really protective whenever she hears the slightest noise at the front door.

She is great with little kids. My niece, Paisley, climbs all over her and pulls her ears and Abby takes it like a champ. She always sits down whenever she comes up to a person and loooves getting pets. I can't tell you how many times she has fallen asleep standing up while I've been petting her. She is just amazing and a great companion. Whenever I'm having a bad day, or I'm really sad, she can feel it and just comes and lays by me with her big eyes staring at me. She's such a sweetheart.

The only thing that we really have to work on with her is her interaction with other dogs. The thing about rescues is that you rarely know their background. We're not sure if she just wasn't socialized as a puppy or if she was attacked or if she is still in a bit of survivor mode. All we know is that she freaks out whenever another dog is around but if she's around them for long enough, she usually calms down really fast.

My in-laws had a chocolate lab, Jenny, who they unfortunately had to put down recently. She was getting old and really just falling apart. It was really hard because she was like one of the family. Abby finally got to where her and Jenny could lay down together and fall asleep. When they first met, Abby was on the end of her lease and freaking out. It was only a couple months of getting her used to Jenny that she got so much better.

When Jared found out that his parents had to put Jenny down, he got home, walked in the door and Abby was jumping all over and excited to see him. He just said, "Jenny's gone." Abby stopped everything and just layed on her bed for a few hours. She knew her friend was gone and it was hard on her. We went to my in-law's for the first time since Jenny was put down and Abby ran in looking for her and couldn't find her anywhere. It was so strange.

Anyways, that's alot about my dog but any dog owner should understand. Your dog is like your child, well at least Abby is like our child. We don't have any kids yet so I'm sure kids are different but for the time being, she is our little girl and we just love talking about her.

Other than that, life has just gone on as usual. I am graduating in May with my Bachelors in English, and no I am not teaching, as I'm sure that was your first question. I may end up teaching some day but mostly I just want to write. I don't like the technical parts of English but I love the language and I love creating. My kind of writing is different than alot of people I go to school with, which I suppose is a good thing, but it's hard to stick to it.

Graduation is a daunting event that fills my head with nightmares and freedom. It's pretty bittersweet. I am excited to finally not be going to school for the first time in my life, but I am also extremely nervous to find a job and be a "grown-up". I still don't feel old enough to be going out in the world with my ideas and pitching them to the higher-ups, but then again, there are people my age who are raising kids. I don't how you all do it. I'm still raising myself and doing a poor job at that ;) Are winky faces acceptable in blogs? I still don't really understand how these work. Guess I need to read more and practice. Ask me to write a poem in 5 minutes, I'll do it. But ask to me to write a blog about something in particular, now I just don't know how to do that. So any tips, feel free. If anyone even reads this :) And I am off to my niece's first birthday party! I can't believe it's been year. Time flies, so let's grow wings!

It's been a long long long long long long long time!

So we just had our Thanksgiving break! Hurray! It was so much fun! We ended up having 4 Thanksgiving dinners throughout the week! One on Monday for our Family Home Evening with the Ward, one with my family on Thanksgiving day and then again with Jared's family that night, then one at Jared's grandparents the night after Thanksgiving. I feel huge! It was good eatin' though! While we were at my family's, mom and I went on a walk and let me tell you what, the desert is GORGEOUS! Whoever coined the term "desert waste-land" has obviously never been to Overton before. I snapped a few shots so enjoy :)


It was awesome! Thanksgiving was good, we went out to Valley of Fire like we do every year. It was good to see family although there weren't as many people as usual.

I completely spaced it, on our way from Cedar to Overton, something in the engine of the truck blew. So now we have to buy a new engine! Yay... Luckily my car still works fine so we have a vehicle but the whole Thanksgiving trip we had to borrow cars and then hitched a ride with Jared's parents back to Cedar on Sunday. It was quite the adventure! We're both very sad about the loss of our beloved truck. Hopefully soon we'll have the money to fix it!

Anyway, so we went to Vegas to spend Thanksgiving night with Jared's family. We had another spread of turkey, mashed potatoes, yams (SOOOO good), and all sorts of extras. I ate entirely too much but hey, it's Thanksgiving! The next day I would regret it though. As I was walking up the stairs I hear a riiiiiip! I guess I'd gained a few in the last week of gorging myself and totally ripped a huge hole in the only jeans I had with me! They were my favorite pair too! So guess what Bree got to do on Black Friday? That's right, hit the shops in Las Vegas, with crazy people running around everywhere. I found a super cute pair of jeans and felt a bit better, but I am determined to lose those few pounds! Okay, maybe it was more than a few... mom thought I was pregnant when I got to their house... haha guess I should lay off the turkey huh? All I could do is laugh in a situation like that though. We spent the day playing cards, playing with Paisley (our niece) and playing with the dogs. It was lots of fun.

The next morning I headed into Overton while Jared stayed at home with his family. I decided to go Christmas tree hunting with my family up on Cedar Mountain. By the time we got up on the mountain it was getting close to blizzarding and freezing cold! We searched and searched for trees and finally found some that would work. During our search we heard thunder crackling all around us! It was terrifying but exhilarating at the same time! We got our trees, got in the truck, and got out of there as soon as we could! On our way down the mountain we were sliding a lot, having a huge trailer on the back of us didn't help matters much but we made it down to Cedar, about an hour and a half later.

Overall the week was splendid! I also borrowed all the Twilight books from Mom so I'm going to read them as soon as finals are over :) Haha "literary junkfood" it may be but I am still going to read it! A bientot mes amis!

Haha!

So I haven't checked this in a while and I posted that last one on my iPod and apparently it didn't go through. I don't even remember what the title was but no, sorry guys I'm not pregnant. Haha that made me laugh when I saw that though! I guess I should check this more often! I've just been so busy! Alright, well let's give you all the update then. Jared and I moved into town (Cedar City that is)! It's been really fun having our own space and being able to decorate and stuff! Tilly is growing like a weed! She is twice as big as she was when we got her. Jared's parents have a full grown chocolate lab and I just don't know if I'm gonna be able to handle that big of a dog after having her so small! We'll see though! Hmm lets see... other than that we've just both been going to school and working. Jared took a few weeks off and went on a hunting trip to Arizona with his dad. He got an elk, not sure how big, I'll tell ya later. So we have fresh meat now! Mmm yum! I am beginning to doubt my talents as a writer, considering all the people in my classes have these intense Shakespeare-esque vocabularies and speak with them in every day conversation. It's thoroughly entertaining for me, but intimidating nonetheless because I don't hardly know what they're talking about half the time. Oh well, I figure every has their own styles right? Anyways, other than my intriguing class mates, there hasn't been much of interest to tell. Oh actually! A cat laid her kittens under our shed in our backyard and now we have kittens. But we don't want them so we've been trying to catch them to give them away but they're canniving little things and sneak away. We also found out there is a tunnel dug under our shed into our neighbors yard. Luckily Tilly is in a fence of her own that is away from but it's still a little unnerving that the shed is standing on a hole... Kind of oxy-moronic I think. But yeah, life has been interesting and always fun. Jared and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary a couple weeks ago! Haha any reason to celebrate right? We pretty much did the same thing we did every night, had dinner and watched a movie, but it was our anniversary so we just felt the difference I guess :) Well, that's about it for now. I have a midterm in my Literature Theory class tomorrow that I haven't studied for yet! Bon Voyage!

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